Love is perfect in its imperfections. Many of us as well as myself have been guilty of expectations in love which then lead to disappointment. The idea of unconditional love can often times be thought that it’s understood, but in reality many of us have beliefs we may have inherited overtime preventing us from experiencing this fully. Whether it be based on relationships we have seen or participated in, if we are continuing to remain unaware of how to heal this within, we will continue to repeat the same cycles. This can be in regards to love for ourselves, too. Unconditional love is loving ourselves and others through thick and thin, finding the beauty in the mess and it comes from the heart.
”4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”
-1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Although I may resonate with certain aspects of what would be considered religion, I define myself as spiritual recognizing all religions philosophically base themselves in love and compassion. This particular bible verse has been unforgettable for me. I think more-less out of curiosity because for the longest time I had not experienced what the defined ‘love’ is that they are referring to. Here we read there are no negative aspects to love, if it is truly a healthy, unconditional love. When they begin to creep in, it turns to an ego-based love, which cannot exist or thrive. Pure, unconditional love, comes strictly from the heart. And the perfection of this kind of love, is accepting and learning to grow from the imperfections.
Often times we can associate things like attachment, codependency, possessiveness and control as love. Again, possibly without even knowing it! I have experienced some of these things and although it was not necessarily how I wanted to behave or the type of relationship I had imagined, it was what I had become conditioned to based on previous relationships. As we continue to reconfirm our beliefs, known or unknown, through the same negative cycles, we use it as a way to prove ourselves right and push love away that we all should know we deserve. The best thing we can do for ourselves in situations like these is find ways to increase our awareness, and commit to making changes.
If we truly are loving ourselves and others then we should be able to accept that there are days that we will get mad and pissed off and be able to laugh at it later. There are also be days where we want to dance around the kitchen and scream it on the mountain tops. That’s part of life. The trick is finding what we need to grow from rather than ruminating on the negative aspects of anything that is. Always come back to the heart and you will find where love lies.
I have had my heart broken many times in the past and I’ve had to decide whether I wanted to do the work to heal myself and the relationships, or whether I expected it to come from another source. After doing a lot of work on me, I also had to learn to be open to allowing love back in. Whether it’s the same relationship that you’re going back-and-forth in, if you are cutting something out and bringing something completely new into your life, or maybe getting reacquainted with who you want to be in loving yourself- what are your needs when it comes to love? What are the boundaries? Find out what it is that you truly desire so you can bring it into your life in all it’s goodness, knowing that life is ever-changing and so will your needs. And if you have love currently, if it’s loyal and supportive, it will stay through those changes. How do you want to move forward loving yourself and others? How will you take the opportunity to show love everyday, not just on Valentine’s Day?