Break Free

Sometimes inspiration for a blog post starts with a shot of sake and 30 minutes of meditation. I can’t say I ever imagined myself beginning with these words, but it’s the honest description of my life at the moment. I realized this evening why I was frustrated but couldn’t put my finger on it for the past couple of weeks. I’ve discussed with so many the troubling experiences I’ve had through my heavy metal detox and the physical healing that’s taken place. Whether it be my take on supplements, therapies or testing.....Man! What a world of knowledge I have been graced with! Although this will guide me in helping others, there’s a piece to detoxing that I have been avoiding in sharing out of fear of judgement, nor did I want to admit that fear to myself until now.

When we free the body of chemical toxins, we can free it spiritually as well. I grew up in the church and personally became a little withdrawn from it all in college. Although I never lost my faith completely, I questioned many things. When I started to fear I wouldn’t see tomorrow last spring, I broke down to my knees and asked for proof. I needed help and if there was ever a time of desperation and need, I was the epitome of it in that moment. We all have our personal thresholds and I had reached mine.

I started having dreams where angels would come to me and one time even Jesus. Although, Jesus was ‘Carpenter Dave’ at a church in Charlotte who owned a wiener dog (he really won me over with the choice in pet). I always knew I had superpowers in years past with dreams that turned out to be premonitions, but I began to feel physical sensations and pick up on energies around me, too. I’ll be honest, sometimes those energies could be negative, but most of the time I knew I was surrounded by loved ones that had past or guides to help me on my journey. I may not have been able to see them (maybe in dreams or a 'doppelgänger' out and about), but when you begin to open up and trust there’s more than we know, you start to develop an intuition. Not only this, but number patterns would pop-up everywhere which come to find out had meanings that were relative to my status at the time. Did you know 4:20 is actually an angel number? I know we associate it otherwise, but one day I walked into a store at this time and I was feeling completely lost on what to do next with my bodily misery. Having specifically asked for help 5 minutes prior, lo and behold, someone going through all of the same experiences was there to talk to me. Coincidence? No such thing. Everything happens for a reason and sometimes we are unknowingly moved to help others in their time of need as he was. He is now a friend and we offer each other support regularly....along with some laughs.

So often we want to write off the idea of others experiences like this, but one thing I have learned this year is to always be open. If we are to assume we know it all, we will get stuck and prevent our own advancement. Every conversation, every moment, every breath, we are given signs and an opportunity to be guided to happiness and we often shut it down and overlook it due to feeling good things don't exist for us. This feeling of lost hope is not meant to deter us from our futures, it's to force us to look inward and develop a better relationship with ourselves. I personally have changed my belief system due to my experiences, but I don’t care who you believe in. Call it the universe if you need to, but don’t ever lose faith or hope. Look at what is needed to move forward and empower yourself, or find supportive people that will assist you in this life change. Don’t be afraid to reach out to them and recognize you deserve them, because that’s the mindset we want to disassociate with. 

In sharing this, it’s not only about telling my stories, but in the lessons they provided me to conquer my fears including everything that developed physically. So often we want to stay in our judgement or fears and let them run wild because we begin to believe life is just about getting by and less about truly being happy. We become the negativity around us because it’s too hard to go against the grain, and in the process of our resistance, we begin to cause the same pain to others we feel inside. The woo-woo truth, is we are all souls having a human experience. The relationship we have with ourselves is permanent in a life full of temporaries, however we become too distracted with the world around us. We were born with all the answers we needed, but social constructs and comparison took us away from our personal paths thinking we need to be aesthetically stronger, or better, or richer, or prettier. Our bodies are simply a vehicle for our souls to drive, and no ones' purpose is better than the next. They may materialistically seem as such due to 'hierarchies' and society-inflicted idealism, but we are all a spark of the divine, each gifted with a specific way to contribute to the BETTERing of society. Some of us on an individual level, and some on a public level. When we decide to reconnect with ourselves and express that, we define true perfectionism. Be unapologetic-ally you.

Reaching inside and connecting with ourselves to find the answers on our path in this life, will set us free from frustrations, depression, anxiety and resistance that we take part in creating based on how we learn to perceive our experiences. There are no predetermined guidelines, just the ones we internally create, and we need to detox that shit. Once we realize that everything outside of who we are at the core is what has trapped us in a box, we can take a torch to it, burn it down and roam free. Creativity will begin to flood in, experiences that light us up knock at our door and everything we desire flows freely to us. Our freedom will in turn free others, while we learn through empathy to respect their personal journey. My favorite quote (with the last line turned tattoo):

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
— Marianne Williamson
workout_tattoo.PNG


The law of attraction and the law of conservation of energy were not only related to the science books some (or at least a few) of us read in middle school. They apply to human beings and the environment as well. Thoughts produce energy, words produce energy, actions produce energy. If you want to change where you are, think of who you want to be. Visualize everything that you want coming to fruition. When we have faith, ask for guidance, and allow ourselves to be open and acknowledge the signs in our everyday, our personal worlds will not only change, they will blow our freakin' minds. We all deserve everything we desire, but we begin to believe the limitations of others and feel this won't come true. According to philosopher Lao Tzu, ruminating on the past only causes more depression, and the future, anxiety. Let go of control, resentment and what could have been, finding peace and opportunity in the present before it passes you up. Building this practice and releasing old beliefs can be difficult, but living more joyously, healthfully and getting everything we want out of life (with guidance by the minute!) is a much better swap. Wouldn’t you agree?